merry christmas

well, to those of you who follow my blog, I wish you and your familys a wonderfully blessed christmas, and hope your new year is overflowing with them. blessings that is.

Who knows what our lives will be like after the new year. We are going to have to buckle down and start making some decisions about some pretty important stuff. I.dont.want.to.do.it.

I have never been one to get all that upset about the idea of moving. I, actually, usually kind of enjoy it. I've moved around my whole life, and think that I must have some of my parents nomadic tendencies running thru my veins. But now....well, I am so torn. On one hand, I would not mind moving back to kansas. We have family and friends there. Not much else there, but there is work, and my dear, sweet husband has been offered a full time job.

But Texas.....my heart is here. This is the one place in my whole life that I have ever called home. I love it here (even though i miss the snow). And in the past five years, we have built a life here. And it has nothing to do with jobs or our home. I do love our home. But it has everything to do with our friends and family. Currently, we are raising our five girls just down the street a bit from their 3 cousins. And that is not to mention living close to hubbys brother and my sister(in law, but for clarification only) I have come to depend on having these two near and close in my life. My sil and I do pretty much everything together, and should we have to move, i will miss her dearly. I dont even want to think about it to be quite honest. And our other friends....well, in the past five years we have met and become friends with some of the most amazing people I have ever known in my life. The thought of not being near them, and not being able to see them every week, well, i dont want to think about that either.

Having a good church family that you can lean on and depend on is so crucial to me. And, while I know that there are good and wonderful ppl in kansas, in the seven years i lived there before, had never found a great church. Sure there were a few great people, but as for the church as a whole...no. And by the way....I am not a church hopper. I wont go into any of the reasons why i say that, or why I am not excited about looking for another church should we move, but lets just say that when I contemplate this decsion.....church is at the top of my priority list.

Arg...I dont know. I dont even know if we will have to worry about it...I am just venting a bit. I just need to say some of this out loud...or type it...It helps me get clarity when I am confused and frustrated.

So...again...I am torn...because every other time in my life, its been...wanna move? SURE! I'm up for anything. This time, its me and hubby going....should we? shouldnt we? We dont want to continue living apart. That just plain sucks. But, we are about 99% sure he will be going back to kansas after the new year. Unless, by some miracle over the holidays he can find a job here. thats gonna happen. We throw out all the reasons why it would be ok to do it, and the thousands more why we want to stay....but really, we have to make a decision that will work best for our family, and right now....I just dont know what that is.