Monday, December 21, 2009

because its my job to gross everyone out......

here is a snapshot of my day...**disclaimer: this is not, I repeat NOT for the squeamish**

If you have been a reader of my know I have some pretty gross stories to tell regarding poop, puke, and other bodily fluids. I realize it has been a very long time since I have blogged...and for that, I apologize. However, if you find yourself in need of a good laugh today, then by all means, have a good belly laugh at my expense......

so....I got up this morning on a mission. I emptied the dishwasher, refilled it with the few dishes that were in the sink, made the girl's some cereal and put on a pot of coffee. As the girl's were bringing me their bowls, MR comes back into the kitchen from the living room with the news that "someone pooped in the living room, I think." WHAT???? That has not been an issue for a while now, since my youngest just turned 5! However, since it has been pretty cold at night we have been letting the dog in with the strictest of instructions to lay by the back door only. And usually....she complies. Mind you, this dog is like 5 years old, and has been potty trained since about 4 months. She has the rarest of accidents and only when there is no other option, she poops in the house. This was definitely one of those times and when I went to check it out, she had apparently had an upset tummy, because it was not just poop, but...yes, you guessed it....diarrhea. yay.
so...I send everyone out so no one gets sick and get to work. Of course, she had to poop on the carpet and not the hardwood..why is that anyway??? I just don't get it. But, whatever, it had to be cleaned, and since I am the mom, the job falls to me. So, like I said, I get to work. I get the biggest portion of it cleaned up and break out the carpet shampooer. ~by the way...whoever decided to make those little angelic pieces of heaven deserves a great reward~ so.....I work and work until the bucket is full and I have to empty it. is where the unfortunate events begin to unfold.
I am on my way to the bathroom, gingerly holding my bucket of poo water...carefully walking so as not to spill a drop. One of my twins passes me in the hall and accidentally drops a princess hat right in front of me.....I step on said princess hat and slip. Shall I go on? right. I cant leave you hanging. Of course, as I slip, I lose the cautious grip I have on the bucket of poo water and I watch as, in slow motion, the bucket of poo water flies through the air, lands on the floor, the lid pops off and stinky, disgusting, foul, awful poo water not just spills, but splashes EVERYWHERE!!!! All over the hall floor, the bathroom floor, the walls, the doors, the baseboards, and yes....all over me.
I am pretty sure I have not screamed like that ever. Not even during childbirth. Not ever.
My hubby comes flying around the corner and stops in his tracks. He thought I was hurt, but when he rounded the corner and saw what he saw, he turned on his heels and headed out. quick like.
Needless to say, I spent another hour cleaning up the floors, walls, doors, and then back to the carpet....then I got to go take a shower. That was about 12 hours ago, and the smell of stinky, putrid poo water is still burned into my nose hairs.
Anyone out there have a cure for that? If so, I'd sure like to hear it. I think most of it is in my head. All day long, the only thing I see when I close my eyes is that bucket of poo water flying through the air.
I am sure it could have been worse. But the only thing that I can think of is, if it would have ALL landed on me.....and, while I am surely thankful that did not happen......I am still thinking....why me??????????


Corrie said...

I keep thinking about this story and
1. I wish I could've been there as I would have laughed at you and then helped you clean up
2. I'm just wondering why does all this happen to you?
You handle it all with such grace and without losing your sanity, maybe that's why it happens to you. So bring on another funny story- what happened to you this week?! Love ya and miss you much

kimberly said...

i'm pretty sure there is no grace and definately no sanity in the midst of it notice I write these things after the fact...after its over and the only thing there is to do is laugh, or you would be coming to visit me in the little padded rooms....for 15 min at a time:)